i permit you to call me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
