ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
