You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
