god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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