If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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