One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
