So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
worst night to have a conscience
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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