I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
