I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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