I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
