I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
