Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
