Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't turn off my feet"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
