maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
