Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
