Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
