we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
