i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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