I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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