If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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