dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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