Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
