Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My life is pants optional.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
