"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
