Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
As shirtless as possible
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize