you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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