Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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