Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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