he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
