I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
