the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
