It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
