I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I believe in your delicious
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
