i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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