Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize