He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
