Im at strip club and am horny
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
