Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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