If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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