Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
