At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
