Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
