If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
