I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
