you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
