there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize