I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
