He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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