It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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