Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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