nut hugger
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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