No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
