I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
