oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
