I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
