I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
