oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
