i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
