it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
