Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
