iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
