oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
