Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
