New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
