You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
