wat bout pragnant strippers??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
