i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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