I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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