Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
