the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
