im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
