i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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