when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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